


All Of Me

by felineranger



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst, Multi, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 14:17:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3413762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felineranger/pseuds/felineranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the events of 'Last Human'.  Reketrebn tries to convince Lister to become its host.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Of Me

                Reketrebn sat at the edge of the stream that ran through the farm in the peaceful twilight. The sky was dark sapphire blue and the stars diamond bright. On the horizon there was still the faintest pink blush of sunset. It was a beautiful night. It would have been happy to sit here alone until full darkness came and the cold became too much, but knew that wasn’t to be. He was coming.

“Hey,” Lister’s voice said warmly from behind it just minutes later, “Been looking for you.”

“I know,” Reketrebn replied calmly, without looking around.

“Of course you do.” The GELF didn’t need to see his face to know he’d rolled his eyes. “Come on. Come inside. We’ve got some news.”

“Kristine is pregnant.” Reketrebn watched the clear water rippling over the pebbles and felt Lister’s surprise flare and then quickly ebb again.

“Can’t hide anything from you, can I?”

“No. Sorry.”

“You could at least act surprised. I mean, way to steal my thunder, man.”

“Kristine is pregnant?” it exclaimed, finally turning to face him.

“Thanks,” Lister told it wryly, “But it’s too late _now_.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it. Are you okay? You’ve been out here a long time.”

“I’m happy that you’re happy.”

Lister was not that easily fooled. “But you’re not?”

“Your joy is my joy.”

                “C’mon Rekkie,” Lister sat down by its side, “Don’t give me that. What’s wrong?”

Reketrebn stared down at the shimmering ribbons of silky water below them. “I am glad for you,” it said pensively, “I know this is what you want. What you’ve always wanted. I can taste your happiness like spun sugar and it feels wonderful. But it makes me sad too.”

“Why?” Lister asked earnestly.

“I feel envy.”

“Because you can’t have a child?” Lister held its hand.

“Because someone else made you happier than I ever could. Someone gave you something I cannot. That’s hard for me. My reason for being is to please my host.”

“I owe you my life. I wouldn’t be here, none of this would be happening, if it wasn’t for you. Nothing you could ever do could please me more than that.”

“It’s not that simple. Your friendship, your gratitude, your affection; I feel them always and I treasure them, but they’re white noise. They’re background music. When I make you laugh or smile, when I do anything that makes you truly _feel_ , for me that’s the show starting. That’s the big scene. That’s when our connection lights up.”

“You’re gonna need some better jokes,” Lister teased gently. Rekkie’s responding smile was feeble.

“You’re trying to make me feel better.”

“Of course I am. That’s what friends are for.”

                Reketrebn’s smile faded. “I know you care for me,” it told him. “You say and do small things to try and please me, even though that is not your duty. You like me to be happy. For you, this is what friendship means. But we are more than just friends. We are bonded.”

“What are you saying?”

“We could be so much more, you and I.”

“What?” Lister joked, “You mean, like, get together?”

“Is that such a strange idea? We are already joined. To complete our union would be immensely rewarding for both of us.”

“I’m not sure how that would work out. I mean, Kriss can be a handful, but I’m not sure how I’d deal with a girlfriend who turns into a heap of yak dung when she’s smegged off with me.”

“I wouldn’t be your girlfriend,” Reketrebn corrected, “I would be your soulmate. I would be whatever you needed, whenever you needed it, without you ever needing to ask.”

                The teasing smile faded from Lister’s face. “You’re being serious, aren’t you?”

Rekkie looked back at him sadly. “If I were human,” it said to him, “I know how this would go. This would be the time for me to look into your eyes and ask you if you really love her. But I don’t need to ask, because I know. I’ve been able to feel your love for her, steady as your heartbeat, from the moment we first connected; and I don’t have to ask to know that you don’t feel that way about me. But I wish that you did.”

“What you and me have is still special.”

“It could be mind-blowing. Not the same as what you have with Kristine, I know that. But something more incredible and intimate than either of us have ever known.”

Reketrebn leaned forward and touched Lister’s face. “I know you won’t leave her. Especially not now. But let me in,” it whispered pleadingly. “Share my hooks with me. Even if you can’t love me the way you love her, let _me_ love _you_. Let me please you, serve you. I won’t come between you and Kristine, it won’t change what you have with her. I’ll just be there, by your side, and we would fulfil each other. You would be my true host, my everything, and I would be yours completely.”

Lister looked distressed, “I don’t want a slave, Rekkie.”

“That’s not how it would be.”

“It would. Maybe not at first, but it would. Right now you can still think and feel for yourself. How long would that last when everything you are is invested in me?”

“It is my purpose. I am only complete when I am one with another.”

“Maybe one of the others…”

“I only want you.”

“You said that to your old master Deki too, once upon a time. It’s your instincts talking, not your heart. If you take your hook back, find someone else…”

“No. You need to know something. I didn’t help you escape Cyberia because I felt your pain. I helped you because I felt your soul. I felt everything that was good and bad in you, everything that you are, and knew that you were worth it. Worth the risk, worth dying for. I did it because I _wanted_ to. Because I love you.”

                Lister put his arms around the GELF and pulled it tight to him. He felt its tears on his neck. “Don’t. Rekkie, don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have said that if I knew how much it was going to hurt you.”

“It didn’t hurt me. Shush.”

“You’re lying again. You’re trying to make me feel better.”

“Ya got me.”

                Reketrebn pulled back, wiping its eyes. “I…don’t know what to do. I feel the need to shift, to please you and make you not sad, but I can’t work out how to do it. I can’t feel clearly what you want.”

“That’s ok,” Lister told it sadly, “Neither can I.”

Reketrebn took both his hands, “If we were truly one, I would know what to do.”

“I can’t do it. I’m sorry, but I can’t. It’s not fair on you and it wouldn’t be fair to Kriss.”

“It’s not just that. I sense fear in you. Why?”

“I suppose because I don’t like the idea of throwing open the gates of my mind to someone else,” Lister admitted.

“I’m already in your mind.”

“You’ve got the key for the front door. There’s still some locked rooms inside. I’d prefer to keep it that way.”

“All of your secrets are safe with me.”

“Everyone has thoughts they’re ashamed of sometimes. Or just things they want to keep to themselves.”

“There is nothing you ever need to hide from me. My reason for being is to please you, soothe you, to carry the weight of those thoughts and feelings and desires you could never admit to anyone else. To know all of those things; and to understand them, forgive them and satisfy them without you ever needing to say a word. I would be the friend who’s always there, the comrade who always has your back, the mentor who nurtures and encourages you…” Reketrebn slid closer, stroking his cheek. “The lover who always knows just where to touch and when, and how hard or how soft, how fast or slow. Who knows what words you need to hear, in whose voice. Whose eyes you need to look into at the vital moment. Who knows what you want, even when you don’t know yourself. Or when you _do_ know…and just can’t say it.”

                Lister closed his eyes, his breathing shallow and heart-rate unsteady. “Just say yes,” Reketrebn whispered to him, “Let us complete one another. Let us be one. Let us be all that the other will ever need. Say yes and know what it means to be truly _whole_.”

“Rekkie,” Lister’s voice was hoarse, “I can’t.”

Reketrebn bowed its head, defeated. “I knew you would say that. But I had to try.”

                Lister squeezed its hand. “Take your hook back,” he said, trying to keep from crying, “You could still make a new life with one of the others. You could still be whole without me. And you should.”

“No!” Rekkie shook its head desperately, “Don’t cast me out! Even if I gave my hooks to another, my body would belong to them but my heart would still belong to you. I couldn’t live like that.”

“So what then? What do we do?”

“We stay as we are. We stay…friends.”

“Friends?” Lister echoed cynically.

“Friends,” Reketrebn repeated. “You go on caring about me the way you always have and I’ll go on loving you and pleasing you and protecting you to the best of my ability until the day one of us dies.”

“Rekkie…”

“No,” the GELF put a finger to his lips, “Don’t argue with me. If this is all I will ever have of you then so be it, but I won’t give that up. You told me you didn’t want a slave, so don’t try to command me to do anything else. This is my choice. And I choose you.” It leaned forward and kissed him, very gently, on the lips. “Go inside. I’ll be in too in just a moment.”

                Lister stood unsteadily. Before walking away, he spoke softly, “I’ve had the most smegged- up life, Rekkie. But I’d go through it all again to end up here, in this place with you and everyone else. Because we are more than friends. We’re a family.”

“I know.”

“Are you…gonna be okay? I mean, really?”

“Yes.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. Other people manage. So will I.”

“What do you mean?”

Rekkie gave him a look both sad and wise. “I’m not the only one who’s in love with you. But you know that. Don’t you.” It shimmered and morphed.

                They looked at each other silently for a long moment. Then Lister turned and walked back to the house without a word.


End file.
